Offline Vefantur

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  • Location: ENGLAND
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The individual known as Vefantur first came to the attention of the authorities in 1489, when his exhibition of an obscenely-carved potato caused him to be expelled from the University of Vienna. The full extent of his crimes and offences would be impossible to document, but they are thought to include grievous public vulgarity, the desecration of a momunent to Edmund Burke, numerous incitements to widespread nudity, high treason against the crowns of England, France and Austro-Hungary, conspiracy to overthrow the administration of an American preparatory school, and impersonating Sir Francis Walsingham. His part in the Sino-Soviet war remains unconfirmed. A stool sample captured in 1837 indicates a diet primarily consisting of cheese, as well as a tendency towards sudden and uncontrollable chuckling. While rumours concerning this scoundrel continue to multiply, he is generally believed to have suffered a minor breakdown in the 1950s after failing in his quest to have crisp-packet origami adopted as an Olympic sport. Publication of his treatise on the making of the perfect cup of tea has regrettably continued in underground circles since its abolition by eight world religions for blasphemy and encouragement to worship teapots. All attempts at arrest or even a conclusive identification of this individual have thus far met with failure, though private investigations have been mounted by individuals in seven national law enforcement agencies, three domestic postal services and the Japanese Insititute of Horology. He remains at large, the most recent reports claiming to have spotted him thumbing lifts in occupied Chechnya.

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